Skoči na vsebino

Drugi stosi III


Ice

Priporočene objave

Vratio se Mujo s fronta ženi Fati.

Ušao u kuću i gleda Fatu golu na sred sobe,te je upita:

-"Šta radiš Fato gola na sred sobe?"

-"Šuti bolan Mujo,skino me snajperista!"

Povezava do komentarja
Delite na drugih straneh

...tole sem ze enkat slisu ampak je dobr...

Starejsi par je odsel na pocitnice na obalo.

Za volanom je sedela zena.

V Kozini jih je ustavil policaj. Pogleda zensko in ji rece:

"Gospa ali veste, da ste prekoracili dovoljeno hitrost?".

Zenska se obrne proti mozu in ga vprasa: "Kaj je rekel?"

Moz ji zakrici: "PRAVI, DA SI PREKORACILA DOVOLJENO HITROST."

Policaj jo pogleda in rece: "No, bi lahko videl vase voznisko in

prometno dovoljenje?"

Zenska se obrne proti mozu in ga vprasa: "Kaj je rekel?"

Moz ji zakrici: "HOCE VIDETI TVOJE VOZNISKO IN PROMETNO

DOVOLJENJE!"

Gospa mu da zahtevane dokumente.

Policaj se nasmehne in rece: "Aha. Iz Celja sta. Na Celjskem sejmu

sem bil enkrat in takrat sem spoznal eno zensko. Ja... to je bil moj

najslabsi seks v zivljenju."

Zenska se obrne proti mozu in ga vprasa: "Kaj je rekel?"

Moz ji zakrici: "ZDI SE MU, DA TE POZNA!"

Povezava do komentarja
Delite na drugih straneh

Gre lepa blondinka v trgovino z živali, da bi si kupila eno

eksotično žival.

Ko si je malo razgledala po trgovini, je opazila škatlo z žabami. Na

škatli je pisalo: Žabji sex! Ena žaba 5.000,00 SIT! Če niste zadovoljni,

vrnemo denar! Navodila priložena.

Blondinka pogleda okoli sebe, če jo kdo gleda in zašepeta prodajalcu

za pultom "Bom vzela eno." Prodajalec vzame enega žabona iz škatle, ji

da še listek in reče, "Skrbno sledite navodilom."

Punca pokima in gre hitro domov. Takoj ko pride domov, vzame listek

in sledi navodilom:

1. Stuširajte se.

2. Nadišavite se z najboljšim parfumom.

3. Oblecite sexi perilo.

4. Zlezite v posteljo in postavite žabona na pravo mesto.

Hitro je zlezla v posteljo, postavila žabona na pravo mesto in na

njeno presenečenje se ni nič zgodilo! Blondinka je vsa jezna, ker je

mislila, da so jo spet naplahtali. Še enkrat prebere navodila in opazi v

spodnjem vogalu lista stavek:

"Če imate kakšne probleme, pokličite trgovino za živali."

Takoj je poklicala.

Moški na drugi strani reče: "Takoj bom pri vas."

Čez pet minut zazvoni zvonec. Blondinka mu reče:

"Vidite, vse sem naredila kakor piše v navodilih,

ta prekleta žival pa samo sedi tam.

" Moški ves zaskrbljen dvigne žabona, ga pogleda direkt v oči in z resnim glasom reče:

"Posluši me! To je pa res zadnjič, da ti bom jst pokazal!"

Popravljeno . Popravil Kaiser
Povezava do komentarja
Delite na drugih straneh

The Very Secret Diary of Legolas

Day One: Whee!

Day Two: I like to run!

Day Three: I look good when I run!

Day Four: I also look good standing still. Running across Riddermark v. good excercise. I swear my butt has just gotten firmer. Is that even possible?

Day Six: Is Gimli staring at my butt?

Day Seven: No wonder he's always lagging behind.

Day Eight: Unnerving moment when bumped into Eomer. Thought he might be prettier than me until he took off helmet. Fortunately he looks like an aardvark. He hit on Gimli but I warned him right off. Nobody tries it on with my dwarf.

Am still the prettiest.

Day Nine: Pile of dead and smoking Orc corpses so not pretty. Aragorn showed off and went on and on regarding hobbits laying about tied up. Do not know why he thinks kinky hobbit games so important.

Still prettiest.

Day Ten: Bother! Fangorn Forest. Leaf mold terrible for my complexion.

Still prettiest but a bit on clammy, unwashed side.

Day Eleven: Bumped into Gandalf who is all sparkly white now. Asked him, "Who do you have to blow to get last bottle of bleach in Middle Earth anyway?" Gandalf said, "The Balrog." So not worth it.

Am rethinking, though. Roots are showing.

Still prettiest although at this rate for how long?

Day Twelve: Asked Gandalf for Balrog's number. Gandalf said I couldn't call him. I told him not to be jealous and posessive. He said he wasn't, it was just that he killed Balrog last week.

Note to self: never date Gandalf.

Day Fifteen: Arrived in Edoras. V. upset. Suspect Eowyn may be prettier than me. Most unexpected as always thought shield-maidens were more hefty, pear-shaped types.

Not the prettiest! V. bitter.

Day Nineteen: Aragorn stood up to Theoden today. Aragorn so butch. Have goosebumps.

Day Twenty: Poke bonnet absolutely hideous. No longer even remotely pretty. Considering suicide.

Day Twenty-seven: Exeunt Aragorn, pursued by wolves of Isengard. On con

side: Am stuck with ugly necklace. On pro side: No longer have to wear poke bonnet. Am pretty again!

Day Twenty-nine: Aragorn back. Apparently taking header off cliff not as deadly as one would have thought. Told him to throw me down and shag me senseless, but he just clapped me on the shoulder in a manly fashion and said, "Yeah, it can get a little chapped sometimes but just put some lotion on it."

Aragorn just kind of a wanker, really.

Day Twenty-Nine: Battle of Helm's Deep so embarassing. If was not bad enough to face thought of death at the hands of smelly Orcs in backwater rural province, have now been saved at zero hour by Haldir showing up with really bad weave.

On plus side, Eowyn stuck in rancid cave. Perhaps will develop cave blight. Then I will be prettiest forever.

Day Thirty Battle over. Gandalf always fashionably late it seems. Hopes for after-battle quickie dashed because Aragorn sulking over postcard from Faramir. Is jealous over Ringbearer. Told him Sam will kill Faramir if he tries anything but Aragorn not cheered up.

Sod him. Have received suggestive note from Eomer. Will go see if what they say about men of Riddermark is actually true.

No one has bothered to get Eowyn out of cave yet. Still the prettiest by far!

-----------------------

In potem nadaljevanje http://www.livejournal.com/users/cassieclaire/

Povezava do komentarja
Delite na drugih straneh

Mladenic najde v grmovju ob cesti zabico, ki ga milo prosi, naj jo

poljubi; da je zakleta princeska in da ga bo imela rada in bo zanj

naredila vse, ce jo odresi. Fant jo res pobere, vtakne v zep in odnese

domov. Doma jo da na mizo in zabica ga spet prosi: "Poljubi me in

spremenila se bom v lepo princeso! S teboj bom do konca tvojega

zivljenja in ti bom izpolnila vsako zeljo!" Fant pa pravi: "Draga

princeska - jaz sem programer in nimam casa za punce. Ampak govoreca

zaba je pa ful kul!"

Povezava do komentarja
Delite na drugih straneh

Ko sem to jutro vozil po lokalni cesti, sem na svoji levi strani zagledal

zensko za volanom cisto novega BMW, ki me je prehitevala s preko 100 km/h

in je imela svoj obraz skoraj pripopan na vzvratno ogledalo, ker si je s

crtalom zarisovala obrvi.

Za nekaj sekund sem pogledal nazaj na cesto in v tem trenutku me je ze

prehitela, bila je ze cez crto, pred menoj in se vedno urejala svoj

make-up.

Kot mozakar se ne prestrasim zlepa. Toda ta situacija me je tako

prestrasila, da sem spustil iz rok moj elektricni brivnik, ki mi je zletel

direktno na krof, ki sem ga drzal v drugi roki. V vsej tej zmedi in

poizkusu da bi poravnal volan z mojimi koleni, mi je zletel mobitel, ki sem

ga drzal na usesu z ramenom, direktno v skodelico kave med koleni. Kava je

pljusknila in pogrela mojega velikega Janeza in hkrati tudi oba Dvojcka,

pospricala prekleti telefon in zmocila moje hlace in prekinil se je zelo

vazen pogovor.

Preklete babe za volanom!!!!!

Povezava do komentarja
Delite na drugih straneh

Nek par je bil poročen skoraj ze dvajset let in vsakič ko sta se

ljubila je mož vztrajal, da seksata pri ugasnjeni luči.

Vendar se je po dvajsetih letih ženi to zdelo ze malce neumno, zato

je sklenila, da bo skušala prekiniti to neumno navado.

Tako je neke noči sredi seksa prižgala luč in ko je pogledala malce

nižje, je vsa šokirana videla, da ima njen mož v rokah

igračko na baterije....vibrator!! Bil je mehak in čudovit.... mnogo

večji od njegovega.

Ko je to videla je popolnoma znorela: "Ti prasec, kako si mogel vsa

ta leta imeti takšno skrivnost!! Boljše zate, da takoj

razložiš zadevo!!"

Mož jo mirno pogleda v oči in reče: "Jaz bom razložil glede igračke,

.......ti pa razloži glede otrok, ki jih imava!!!"

Povezava do komentarja
Delite na drugih straneh

Guzi mrav slonicu, guzi, guzi ispod kokosovog drveta. A slonica i ne primjecuje. Kad pade slonici kokos na glavu i ona uzviknu:

- Uhhhhhhh!

A mrav ce:

- VRISTI KUCKO!!!!

Isli mrav i slon preko mosta i most se srusi. Onako dok ih je bujica nosila vice mrav slonu:

- Ja sam fino govorio da idemo jedan po jedan.

Povezava do komentarja
Delite na drugih straneh

gre pedofil do mlade punčke pa ji reče

"...punčka ti dam 2 bonbona če mi ritko pokažeš..."

Pa ga punčka pogleda pa reče:"Dej mi raje celo vrečko pa ti ga pofafam"

Povezava do komentarja
Delite na drugih straneh

Gost
Ta tema zaprta in dodajanje odgovorov ni več mogoče.
  • Zadnji brskalci   0 članov

    • Noben registriran uporabnik, si ne ogleduje to stran.
×
×
  • Ustvari novo...

Pomembne informacije

Z uporabo te strani se strinjate z uporabo piškotkov in se strinjate s pravili o varovanju zasebnosti!