Drugi stosi III

[Furioso]

Mali Suzuki vse ve.....

Prvi dan v soli v ameriski High school uciteljica predstavi ucencem novega sosolca. To je Sakiro Suzuki iz Japonske.

Ura se zacne in uciteljica sprasuje: " no bomo videli, kdo se spozna na  amerisko kulturno zgodovino. Kdo je rekel " Daj mi prostost alismrt!"?  Cisto tiho v ucilnici, samo Suzuki dvigne roko: " Patrick Henry 1775 iz  Philadelphije."

"Zelo dobro, Suzuki. In kdo je rekel: "Drzava je ljudstvo in ljudska oblast ne sme umreti!"? Suzuki vstane:

" Abraham Lincoln1863 v Washingtonu." 

Uciteljica strogo pogleda ostale ucence in rece: " Sram vas naj bo, Suzuki je iz Japonske in pozna amerisko zgodovino bolje kot vi!" Slisi se tihi glas iz ozadja:" Jebite se, posrani Japonci!". "Kdo je to  rekel?" se zadere uciteljica. Suzuki dvigne roko in rece: " General  McArthur 1942 v Guadalcanalu, in Lee Iacocca 1982 pri glavnem zboru Chryslerja."

Razred je cisto tiho, samo zopet iz ozadja se slisi: " Pokozlal se bom!"  Uciteljica vpije: "Kdo je to rekel?"Suzuki odvrne: " Georg Bush senior japonskemu predsedniskemu ministru Tanaki med kosilom, Tokio 1991."

En ucenec vstane in vzklikne tecno: " Polizi mi ga!" Uciteljica vsa iz sebe: " Zdaj pa konec! Kdo je to bil?"Suzuki kot iz pistole: " Bill Clinton Monici Levinsky, 1997 v Washingtonu, v Ovalni dvorani. " 

Drugi ucenec se zadere: " Suzuki je sam drek!" In Suzuki: " Valentino  Rossi v Rio de Janeiru pri Grand-Prix-ju za motoriste v Braziliji 2002." 

Razred pade v histerijo, ucilteljica pade v nezavest, vrata se odprejo in ravnatelj vstopi: "Pickarija, se nikoli nisem videl takega kaosa!"

Suzuki: " Predsednik predsedstva Slovenije ministru za finance pri

predstavitvi novega drzavnega proracuna, Ljubljana 2003."

[jax]

Če ste kdaj tuhtal kako koga užalit, oziroma kako ga užalit v 131 jezikih, je ta stran za vas. :OK:

http://www.insultmonger.com/index.htm

P.S.: Slovenci razočaramo :BUA:

[gec]

Mujo i Haso imaju apoteku!

Haso ode na godinšnjeg i kaže Muji: "E ti češ sad, da vodiš apoteku. Kad neko dođe pitaš ga šta mu je. Ako kaže, da ga boli stomak daš mu sirup ako kaže, da ga boli glava daš mu Aspirin.

Nakon 14 dana Haso se vrati sa godišnjeg i pita Muju: "Hej Mujo, jel bio ko bolestan.

Mujo:"Bio je!"

Haso:"A ko?"

Mujo:"Pa došao jedan dečak i kazao da ga boli stomak."

Haso:" A što si mu dao?"

Mujo:"Sirup!"

Haso:"Bravo, Mujo! Jel bio još ko bolestan?"

Mujo:" Bio! Došao jedan čika i kaže, da ga boli glava."

Haso:"A što si njemu dao?"

Mujo:"Aspirin, zna se!"

Haso:"Bravo, Mujo! Jel bio još ko bolestan?"

Mujo:"Pa bila jedna žena."

Haso:"A šta njoj beše?"

Mujo:"Pa kaže, da več dugo nije videla KURAC."

Haso:"I???? Šta si joj dao?"

Mujo:"KAPI ZA OČI!"

:ph34r:

[Furioso]

Nov olimpijski šport...

:lol1: :lol1:

[Furioso]

The problem is choice!!

[AlterMann]

Grejo medved, lisica in osel na upravno enoto po gradbeno dovoljenje.

Prvi vstopi medved, ker je največji in najmočnejsi, pa pride čez nekaj

časa nazaj in pravi: ni mi uspelo.

Druga gre noter lisica, pride vem zelo kmalu in pravi: tudi meni ni

uspelo.

Tretji gre noter osel in pride kmalu nazaj z vsemi papirji in pravi: lahko

začnemo graditi takoj. Kako pa ti je to uspelo ga vprašata ostala dva???

Osel pravi: pridem noter in kaj, notri pa sami moji sosolci!!

[lina]

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest,

"Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11

grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last

night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls.

Both of them. Twice.

The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were

in confession?" "Never Father, I'm Jewish." "So then, why are

you telling me?"

"Because I'm telling everybody!"

[misty]

Izdan je bil nov kovanec v čast slavne ženske...

[lina]

|kids say

TEACHER: Why are you late?

| WEBSTER: Because of the sign.

| TEACHER: What sign?

| WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead,Go Slow."

|

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?

| CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

|

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?

| JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

| TEACHER: No, that's wrong

| JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

| SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!

| TEACHER: What are you talking about?

| SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

|

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.

| GEORGE: Here it is!

| TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?

| CLASS: George!

|

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have

ten years ago.

| WILLY: Me!

|

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

| TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

|

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?

| FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?

| SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

|

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?

| JOSE: Don't bite any.

|

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".

| ELLEN: I is...

| TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."

| ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

|

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

| Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."

|

| -*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree

but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish

him?"

| Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

|

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

| Father : No. Why do you ask that?

| Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

|

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and

one is blue with red spots!

| Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.

|

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute

5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks. "I musta got 'em

from my Daddy," said the little girl, "'cause Mommy's still got hers.

|

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,

what virtue would I be showing?

| Student: Brotherly love.

|

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

| Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

|

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| Teacher: Desmond, your composition on My Dog" is exactly the same as your

brother's. Did u copy his?

| Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

|

| *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

| Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no

longer interested?

| Pupil : A teacher.

[AlterMann]

You rang, milord...

[lina]

One-Liners...

Pre-menstrual Syndrome: Just before their periods women behave

the way men do all the time.

-Heinlein

Bumper Stickers...

Life: Too many freaks, not enough circuses!

[Ice]

helmet stickers:

Never trust anything that bleeds 3-5 days and doesn´t die.

Chrome won´t get you home.

Injection is nice but I´d rather be blown.

What part of NO don´t you understand?

[kekec III]

Dajem se !

Ines... B)

[SiR]

V reki Savi so našli utopljenega policaja. V njegovem zepu so nasli istek s sporočilom: "Kupi kruh, mleko, 2 jogurta. Spotoma skoči se v Savo pogledat, če so prisle zimske gume."

star ali dober :D

[SiR]

Kako računalničar pokliče ženo k sebi ?

afna.com !

[Pervy]

štopar :P

[AlterMann]

Zena se zalila doktoru da joj ispadaju stidne dlacice.

Doktor: -Koko se cesto seksate?

Zena: -Dva, tri puta dnevno.

Doktor: -Gospodjo moja ni na auto-putu ne raste trava.

--------------------------------------------------

Lezi coban ispod drveta i spava. Dode ovca i pocne mu lizati kurac...

Ovaj se probudi i pocne se derat: -Pa sta to radis ovcetino, ovco,

ovcice, janje moje malo-milo...

--------------------------------------------------

Dosao seoski petao u grad. Prijebalo mu se, a nigdje koke.

Odjednom u izlogu restaurana vidi kako se peku kokoške pa kaze:

-Tu ste pičke! Dok bi ja jebo, vi na solarijumu !

---------------------------------------------------

Ulazi pajkan u prodavnicu:

-Jel imate margarin?

-Ima, 'Dobro jutro'.

-Dobro jutro, jel imate margarin?

---------------------------------------------------

Kaze doktor Muji:

-Mujo, zivjet ces jos godinu dana.

-A od cega, mater ti?

----------------------------------------------------

[Sam dePihlja]

PENIS IN ŽIVLJENJE

"Kakšna je razlika med penisom in življenjem?"

"Oba sta prekratka, ampak samo življenje je trdo do konca."

[lina]

Djed i baka odlucili obnoviti svoj seksualni zivot, no kako samo

od sebe nije islo, baka ode u ljekarnu kupiti viagru - poznati

nadigac.

Ljekarnica je pogleda, pa joj umjesto viagre da pilule za ciscenje. Dodze stara kuci i odmah s djedom u krevet.

Popiju pilulu " viagre", ali se nista ne dogadza, pa popiju jos po jednu. Nakon dvije minute odjuri baka u WC, a nakon deset minuta izadze pa ponosno kaze djedu: "Jesi li vidio kako me ta viagra pomladila ?

Otrcala sam kao da imam petnaest godina!"

> A na to kaze djed : "Nije to nista, ja sam se usr'o u krevet kao da

imam jednu godinu!"

[suzuki]

Je rekla soseda sosedi: "Ti, kmalu boš imela rojstni dan. Veš kaj ti bom kupila?

"Nimam pojma, kaj?"

"Zavese."

"Zavese?? Zakaj pa zavese?"

"Zato, da ne bom gledala, kako se z možem naga lovita po stanovanju!"

Druga malo pomisli in pravi:

"Saj imaš tudi ti kmalu za mano rojstni dan. Tudi jaz vem, kaj ti bom kupila. Očala!!"

"Očala? Zakaj pa?"

"Zato da boš vidla, da tisto ni moj mož, ampak tvoj."

[Kaiser]

Sreli se pile i crv u Crnoj Gori, te crv rece piletu:

"Dje si sokole, nijesam te vidio trista godina!"

Na to ce pile: "A dje si ti, zmijo ljuta!"

:lol1:

[kekec III]

http://users.volja.net/cyberman05/udba.htm

[misty]

Tipična ženska... (baje :xx: )

[AlterMann]

Stari Simo

Postariji profesor Simo ozenio bivsu ucenicu. Sprdajuci se

razlikom u godinama medju "mladencima" netko je od ucenika

nakon nastave napisao na ploci:

"ozenija se stari Sima

bice picke svima!"

profesor je medjutim nesto bio zaboravio u ucionici pa se vrativsi

u razred nasmijao provokaciji. Ucenike je zato ujutro docekala

slijedeca poruka na ploci:

"kad je bio mladi Sima

jebo vam je mater svima,

zato vas i tol'ko ima

picka li vam materina!"

[ID]

Film po resničnih dogodkih....