misty Objavljeno Januar 22, 2004 Opozori Objavljeno Januar 22, 2004 Po požaru v norišnici vpraša upravnik strežnike: "ali je vseh 10 pacientov, ki so ušli, spet nazaj?" "Kako 10?" se začudi eden izmed strežnikov. "Mi smo jih spravili nazaj 20!" :OK: Kaj pa če je vse res :P
misty Objavljeno Januar 22, 2004 Opozori Objavljeno Januar 22, 2004 Pacient potoži zdravniku: "genitalije imam povsem modre in to že nekaj časa .." po pregledu zdravnik oceni: "potrebna bo odstranitev." Pacient po okrevanju ponovno pride k zdravniku in potoži: "sedaj imam modre madeže tudi na zadnjici ..", po pregledu zdravnik ugotovi: "kavbojke vam puščajo barvo!" ------------------------------------------------------------ Kaj ima mlada ženska med prsmi? Obesek na verižici. Kaj pa ima starejša ženska med prsmi? Popek! ------------------------------------------------------------ Mlada žena, poročena šele nekaj mesecev pri odvetniku zahteva ločitev. "Stalno pije!" je povedala. "Pa prej ni pil, ko sta se poročila?" vpraša odvetnik. "Nisem vedela, da pije. Ko pa je včeraj prišel domov popolnoma trezen, sem to šele ugotovila!" ------------------------------------------------------------ Kakšna je razlika med ženo in psom ? Ko ženo spustiš v hišo še naprej laja, pes pa utihne. ------------------------------------------------------------ Star gospod gre v banko po svojo pokojnino, vendar pozabi osebno izkaznico. Da bi dokazal, da je upokojen, si odpne srajco in pokaže svoje sive kocine. Ko pa pride domov, ga žena vpraša: "Si šel po pokojnino in spet pozabil osebno izkaznico?" Mož prizna svojo napako, vendar obenem pove, na kak način je dokazal svojo upokojenost in vseeno dobil denar. Žena pa se odreže: "Škoda, da nisi odprl še zadrge na hlačah, potem bi dobil še invalidnino." ------------------------------------------------------------ Kakšna je razlika med taščo in mrhovinarjem ? Odg: Mrhovinar te pusti do smrti pri miru! ------------------------------------------------------------ Novinar sprašuje svetovnega prvaka v plavanju: "Kako to, da vam je uspel tako neverjeten dosežek?" - "Z veliko treninga. Že ko sem bil majhen me je oče vsak dan s čolnom odpeljal na odprto morje, jaz pa sem potem moral sam priplavati nazaj domov." odgovori prvak. Novinar začudeno nadaljuje: "Ja a pa to ni malo težko za tako majhnega otroka?" - "No saj plavati še ni bilo tako težko, najtežje se je bilo najprej rešiti iz vreče." mu odvrne ------------------------------------------------------------ Gospod na bančnem okencu: "Rad bi dvignil svoj denar" - "Koliko pa bi dvignili, gospod ?" sprašuje bankir - Vse, do zadnjega stotina! - Ali boste zaprli račun ? - Ne, rad bi ga le preštel, da bi videl če je ves še tukaj! ------------------------------------------------------------ V čem sta si podobna nedrček in poslovna bilanca? Oba prikrivata dejansko stanje. ------------------------------------------------------------ Zakaj davčni inšpektorji niso uporabniki VIAGRE? Ker s svojimi pooblastili lahko jahajo vse po vrsti, pritožba pa ne zadrži izvršbe ne glede na posledice njihovega dela. ------------------------------------------------------------ Nova stranka vstopi v frizerski salon. "Ste že bili kdaj pri nas?" ga vpraša frizer. "Ne, ušesa sem izgubil v avtomobilski nesreči."
gizmOkak Objavljeno Januar 22, 2004 Opozori Objavljeno Januar 22, 2004 Slovenski raziskovalci in izumitelji so iznašli lepilni trak, ki pripomore, da moški bolj uživajo v seksu. Lepilni trak se preprosto nalepi preko ženskih ust! :yea2:
jax Objavljeno Januar 22, 2004 Opozori Objavljeno Januar 22, 2004 (popravljeno) Mal dolg, ampak pomojem se splača :D There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing,nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoodick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he wasgone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how toshut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right... Voodoo dick, my ass!" Popravljeno Januar 22, 2004. Popravil jax
AlterMann Objavljeno Januar 23, 2004 Opozori Objavljeno Januar 23, 2004 Avstralski radio je razpisal nagrado za najbolj duhovito zgodbo, ki se je zenski pripetilo pri ginekoloskim pregledu, za katero je bila razpisana nagrada. Tukaj je zgodba, ki je dobila glavno nagrado: Narocena sem bila za letni preventivni pregled. Tisti dan so me zgodaj iz zdravstvenega doma klicali, da lahko zaradi odpovedi ze ob 9.30 pridem. Kerje bila ura ze 8.45 in sem ravnokar druzino spravila v sluzbo/solo, se mi je zelo mudilo, ker je pot do tja trajala vec kot pol ure. Kot vecina zensk posvetim veliko pozornosti pri higijeni pod pasom, vendar tokrat mi ni zneslo in sem enostavno pograbila brisaco, ki je bila ob umivalniku, in se spodaj hitro obrisala, se oblekla in odsla. Cakala sem samo nekaj minut, ko me je zdravnik ze poklical k sebi. Kot mnogo zensk sem poznala rutino, splezala sem na stol, zastrmela v strop in si zamisljala da sem dalec vstran. Zdravnik je vstopil in malo sem bila zacudena, ko je rekel:"Oho, danes ste se pa potrudili!". Nisem mu odgovorila in odsla domov. Ko je prisla moja 6-letna hcerka domov, se je odsla igrat v kopalnico. Cez nekaj casa me pride vprasat, kje je njena brisaca. Rekla sem ji, da je med perilom in da naj drugo vzame. Ona odvrne:" Ne mami, rabim tisto brisaco, ki je bila na umivalniku. Na njej so bile vse moje blescice!"
AlterMann Objavljeno Januar 23, 2004 Opozori Objavljeno Januar 23, 2004 Zakaj so ti bankomati tko počasni...
kekec III Objavljeno Januar 23, 2004 Opozori Objavljeno Januar 23, 2004 A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humour."
Ervina Objavljeno Januar 23, 2004 Opozori Objavljeno Januar 23, 2004 Car radio I got a new car radio yesterday. It has voice recognition. You shout "soul" and it searches for a soul station and starts playing soul music. You shout "rock" and it plays rock and roll. You shout "country" and it finds country music. Some children ran in front of my car, causing me to break at the last second. I yelled out "F***ing kids". Now... my radio is playing Michael Jackson
bauca Objavljeno Januar 23, 2004 Opozori Objavljeno Januar 23, 2004 Blondinka zgodaj zjutraj pokliče po telefonu in vpraša: "Oprostite, sem dobila 111-555?" Na drugi strani se oglasi še ena blondinka: "Ne, poklicali ste sto enajst petsto petinpetdeset." "Oh, potem pa oprostite, ker sem vas zbudila." "Nič hudega," odgovori druga, "saj mi je tako ali tako zvonil telefon." :)
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