Drugi stosi......

[Zoolo]

A young couple go to the Doctors. Dr Smith asks "what can I

do for you?" "We want you to watch us having sex" they tell him.

The doctor is puzzled, but agrees. At the end he tells them

"I can see nothing wrong" The couple seem satisfied with what

he has said so he charges them his fee and they leave. A week

later they come back and ask him to watch as they have sex.

Again, he can find nothing wrong. After two months of doing

this every week the doctor asks them "What do you think is

wrong with you?" "Nothing" says the man "she's married so we

can't go to her home. I'm married so we can't go to my home,

a hotel costs 50, but you charge us 40 and I can claim 30

back on my healthcare plan."

*****

Come in peace or stay at home! (oz. potem Svizec, ostane doma in si enega u miru narola!! )

[Zoolo]

NEKOLIKO DALJŠI AMPAK SE SPLAČA!

A guy is real horny one day but does not have a lot of money. He

walks into a whorehouse and asks the lady what he could get for $3.00.

The lady takes the money and tells him to go to room 542. When he gets

there, he finds a really fat lady laying in the bed. He says,

"What the hell, no one is looking."

So he screws her and leaves.

The next day, the same man walks into the same whorehouse and asks the

lady what he could get for $1.00. The lady tells him to go to room 247.

When he opens the door, there is a really old lady laying in the bed. He says,

"What the hell,no one is looking."

So he screws the lady and leaves.

The next day, the same man asks what he could get for 50 cents.

The woman tells him to go to room 3. When he opens the door, he sees a

chicken just standing in the middle of the room.

The man said, "Oh, what the hell, nobody is looking."

So, he screws the chicken and leaves.

The following day, the man goes to the whorehouse and asks if he

could get anything for free. The lady points down the hall. When he

arrives at the end of the hall, he finds a line of people waiting to

look through some type of peep hole in the wall. When it is finally his

turnto look through the peep hole, he finds two lesbians having wild sex.

The man says, " Wow! This is some pretty good entertainment for not

having to pay for anything."

And the man behind him replies,

"Yeah, but you should of been here yesterday. Some guy was fucking a chicken."

*****

Come in peace or stay at home! (oz. potem Svizec, ostane doma in si enega u miru narola!! )

[Zoolo]

A man goes to his doctor for a check up and the doctor says:

"I don't know how to tell you this, but you're going to die, and you

only have six months left."

When the poor bloke gets home, he tells his wife he has AIDS and only

has six months to live and goes out for a beer. He gets pissed-up

and tells all his mates he has AIDS and only six months left. Two

days later he meets his doctor in the street and the doc says: "I see

you've come to terms with your terminal condition, everyone in town

is talking about it. But tell me why are you telling everyone you have

AIDS when I told you it was an inoperable brain tumor that's killing you?"

"Oh," said the man "I've come to terms with dying, but I don't want

anyone f------ my wife after I'm gone!"

*****

Come in peace or stay at home! (oz. potem Svizec, ostane doma in si enega u miru narola!! )

[Zoolo]

What has four legs and an arm?

A happy pit bull.

*****

Come in peace or stay at home! (oz. potem Svizec, ostane doma in si enega u miru narola!! )

[Zoolo]

Zajcek cepi na Špici na Ljubljanici in kadi travo.

Do njega priplava bober in ga vpraša: "Zajcek, mi daš en dim?"

Zajcek poda joint bobru.

Ta naredi dolg dim in ga zadrži v pljucih,

vrne joint zajcku ter pod vodo odplava na drugi breg

Ljubljanice in pocasi izdihne.

Pri tem ga vidi povodni konj in ga vpraša:"Kaj pocneš bobr?"

"Zajcek poha tam na Špici, pa mi je dal en dim. Prima roba ti povem."

Povodni konj se potopi, priplava do Špice ter pogleda iz vode.

Zajcek že precej zadet ga poglede ter rece:" Ti bobr, dej izdihni že, ker te bo raznesel ..."

*****

Come in peace or stay at home! (oz. potem Svizec, ostane doma in si enega u miru narola!! )

[Zoolo]

Soncnega nedeljskega jutra pritece zajcek mimo lisicinega brloga, ko

si lisica ravno zvija joint.

Da te ni sram! Tako lep dan, sredi narave, ti se bos pa zakadila!

Pojdi raje z mano na jogging..

Lisica pomisli: prav ima, odvrze joint in skupaj odsibata..

Priteceta do volka, ki si ravno greje zlico nad sveco.. Zajcek

ponovno:

Volk, pusti drogo! Teci z nama, je bolj zdravo, poglej kako lepo

jutro je danes!

Volk malo zagodrnja, pri sebi si misli: mali ima prav, in gre z

njima..

Tako sibajo okrog, poberejo Jazbeca med njuhanjem koke, medveda ki je

podkuril vodno pipo..in v ekipi je ze lepo stevilo zivali, kar

pritecejo do leva, starega jankija in zajcek ze od dalec vpije: Hej lev, lev pa rece: Jebembti, kaj mora vedno cel gozd sibati naokoli ko

zajcek vzame preveliko dozo ekstazija..

*****

Come in peace or stay at home! (oz. potem Svizec, ostane doma in si enega u miru narola!! )

[Zoolo]

A father polar bear and a baby polar bear were walking across the ice

when the baby polar bear said to his dad "Dad, am I part panda bear?"

"No", replied his dad.

"Well then, am I part brown bear?"

Again his dad said no. A short time later the baby bear asked again,

"Dad, maybe I'm part koala bear?"

The father getting annoyed said, "look son, I'm a polar bear, your

mums a polar bear. Why on earth do you keep asking for?!"

"Because," the baby bear said,"I'm bloody freezing!!".

*****

Come in peace or stay at home! (oz. potem Svizec, ostane doma in si enega u miru narola!! )

[Zoolo]

Polde pride v lekarno in želi strihnin za taščo.

Lekarnarka ga vpraša, če ima recept, pa reče: " Ne, imam pa sliko."

*****

Come in peace or stay at home! (oz. potem Svizec, ostane doma in si enega u miru narola!! )

[Zoolo]

(Grupa TNT organizira predstavu. Alan Ford ljepi plakate po gradu)

Velika predstava u šumarku

HAMLET

od Williama Shakespearea

u interpretaciji čuvenog londonskog kazališta

Snižene cene:

ulaznica: 1 dolar

bogalji: 1/2 dolara

gluhi: 30 centa

slijepi: 20 centa

slijepi i gluhi: 50 centa

(građani sakupljeni ispred plakata)

Građan #1: Hamlet? Tko je to? Igrač bejzbola?

Građanka: Hamlet je nećak moga muža. Radi u Coloradu.

Građan #2: I što će to oni pokazivati? Valjda novi deterdžent!

Građan #3: Londonska roba, mora da je dobra.

*****

Come in peace or stay at home! (oz. potem Svizec, ostane doma in si enega u miru narola!! )

[Zoolo]

Polaze studentica medicine anatomiju. Prvo pitanje:

- PENIS!

- To je kostani organ, dug 30-40 cm ...

- Polako, polako, ako je dug 30-40 cm, vi ste sretnica, ali ako je kostani organ - TO JE VAS SUBJEKTIVNI DOZIVLJAJ.

*****

Come in peace or stay at home! (oz. potem Svizec, ostane doma in si enega u miru narola!! )

[šufer]

VSI SO ZBRANI

"Halo, je kdo tam?" vpraša glas iz slušalke dežurnega policista.

"Da, vsi smo tukaj."

"Me zelo veseli. Kar ostanite tam."

"Zakaj pa?"

"Ker bom drugače ob vozniško dovoljenje."

[alexb]

Men se pa ne da pisat.. Zlo len

http://www2.arnes.si/~alexb/vic/Italiantomalta1.mp3

--

"When in doubt hit the gas..."

[SiR]

Koliko je rekord Crne gore v teku na 100 metrov?

72 metrov.

Pozdrav, Sym

[homer]

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines,

surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of

motor vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift

for my son. I brought my selection - a baseball bat - to the

cash register.

"Cash or charge?" the clerk asked.

"Cash," I snapped.

Then, apologizing for my rudeness , I explained, "I've spent the

afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau."

"Shall I giftwrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly. "Or are you

going back there?"

[Ice]

tangice po makedonsko: konopce za supce

dvije plavuse u tangama: bitange

-----

The consecutive stages of Situations: SNAFU,TARFU and FUBAR.

[Pravokotar]

Za spoznanje čez mero okajen možakar v luna parku poskusi srečo na strelski stojnici. Udstreli, zadane in dobi za nagrado želvo. Pobaše želvo in se strumno napoti proti bližnjemu šanku. Pičlih deset minut kasneje ista lokacija, ista stranka. Ustreli. zadane in dobi - kaj drugega kot želvo. Pa hajd proti šanku. Ne mine pol ure, evo ga spet pri strelišču. Dolgo meri, ustreli in spet zadane. Lastnik stojnice, dobrohotno: "Zdaj ko ste že tretjič zadeli, si lahko sami izberete nagrado."

"Ahhh, daj mi karkoli, samo nikar spet tistega trdega fishburgerja!" odgovori vrli strelec.

[Pravokotar]

Pri psihiatru.

"Gospod doktor, mene pa vsi ignorirajo!"

"Zanimivo. Naslednji prosim!"

Za svež dah in bleščeče bel nasmeh - WC NET, belilni gel.

[Pravokotar]

Očanec na pragu osemdesetih se znajde pred sodnikom.

"Obtoženi, tožnica z Vrhnike trdi, da je noseča z vami."

"Že mogoče, že mogoče," se strinja možak.

"Tudi tožnica iz Trbovlja pravi, da pričakuje vašega otroka."

"Bo menda kar držalo," se spet strinja toženi.

"Potem je pa tu še dekle s Turjaka, ki menda pričakuje celo dvojčka, pa spet z vami."

"Če ona tako pravi, bo že res."

Sodnik, zdaj že z dobršno mero občudovanja:"Oča, če ni skrivnost, mi zaupajte, kako vse to zmorete."

"Oh, gospod sodnik, saj imam vendar moped!"

[SiR]

PREMAJHNE SO

Mlada,komaj poročena ženska se pritožuje pri ginekologu nad

kontracepcijskimi tabletami.

"Kakšne probleme pa imate z njimi?"

"Niso dovolj velike.Stalno mi izpadajo!"

SEKS MED NOSEČNOSTJO

Zakonski par pride h ginekologu po nasvet,kako naj seksata med ženino

nosecnostjo.Doktor pojasni:"V prvi tretjini nosecnosti lahko seksata

normalno,v drugi tretjini v pasjem položaju,v zadnji tretjini pa v

volcjem polozaju."

"V volčjem položaju?" se cudi moz.

"Ja,uležete se pred luknjo in tulite!"

RDEČELASI OTROK

Lojzka je rodila rdečelasega otroka,oba z možem pa sta blondinca.

Zaskrbljeno sta vprašala ginekologa,kako je to mogoče.

"Imate kaksnega rdečelasega sorodnika?"

"Nimava."

"Sta imela pogosto spolno odnose?"

"No,ja...tako...enkrat letno."

"Ja,potem ima pa rdeče lase od rje."

Pozdrav, Sym

[Pravokotar]

Po dolgem času se srečata na postaji stara prijatelja. Zdravo, živjo.

"Si že poročen?"

"Ne še."

"Ja kaj pa čakaš?"

"Vlak."

[alena_bmw]

Ever wonder why ABCDEF are used to define bra sizes?

Well now u do:

A - Almost Boobs

B - Barely there

C - Can Do

D - Damn good

E - Enormous

F - Fake

Better blond than bold!!

[alena_bmw]

UGRABITELJICA

Blondinka je imela financne tezave, zato se je odlocila, da bo

ugrabila nekega otroka in zasluzila nekaj z odkupnino.

Naslednji dan je odcla v park in zagrabila majhnega fanta, ga

odvlekla v bliznje grmovje in na list napisala:

"Vas otrok je ugrabljen. Pustite jutri zjutraj ob 7:00 poleg

spomenika v parku 25.000 $ v rjavi torbi ! " Na koncu se podpise

kot

"BLONDINKA".

Nato da ta list papirja temu fantku in mu naroci, naj gre s tem

listom naravnost domov !!!

Naslednje jutro pride do spomenika in tam je res bila torba z

denarjem,

kakor je napisala na listu. Poleg torbe z denarjem pa je bilo spremno

pismo :

TUKAJ JE VAS DENAR!!! NE MOREM VERJETI , DA LAHKO ENA BLONDINKA KAJ

TAKEGA

STORI DRUGI!!!

lp alena

Better blond than bold!!

[alena_bmw]

50 Reasons to be a Blonde

1. We can get laid anytime we want.

2. We never have to buy our own drinks at the bar.

3. We piss sitting down so it's easier to pass out on the toilet when you're drunk.

4. We get out of speeding tickets by crying.

5. We avoid speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg.

6. We can sleep our way to the top of the class.

7. We get to shop at Victoria's Secret.

8. We can marry rich and then not have to work.

9. We never have to pay when we go out on dates.

10. Men take us on all expense paid trips - all we have to do is sleep with them.

11. Men light our cigarettes for us.

12. Men hold the door open for us.

13. We pout better (those puppy dog eyes always work!).

14. We're cuter.

15. We lie better.

16. We're better manipulators.

17. We always end up sleeping in the bed when we fight with our other halves - you guys get the couch.

18. We always have food in the fridge.

19. We don't worry about losing our hair.

20. We always get to choose the movie.

21. We don't have to mow the lawn.

22. We don't have to take out the garbage.

23. We don't have to paint the house or walls.

24. PMS - yet another excuse to bitch at men.

25. Cosmopolitan.

26. We can con our way out of anything - not just dig ourselves deeper into a hole.

27. Men unlock our side of the car first - a real bonus when its cold.

28. PMS is a legal defence for murder.

29. Men are like tiles, lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them forever.

30. We can masturbate more in a day than men can.

31. 2 words - multi orgasmic.

32. We don't have to constantly adjust our genitals.

33. Sweat is sexy on us

34. We never run out of excuses.

35. You guys may get to think about sex 200 times a day, but we could be having it that often.

36. Doggie style - that way we get to watch the game too.

37. We get expensive jewellery as gifts that we NEVER have to give back.

38. We get candy, flowers and jewellery all the time because men fuck up so often.

39. We can give "the look" that will make any man want to cower in the corner.

40. Blondes are cleaner.

41.Blondes have more than one erogenous zone (in case you guys didn't know).

42. We're better arguers.

43. We don't always have to think with our genitals.

44. Massage!!!!

45. Blondes know how to fake it..

46. We never have to sit home alone on a weekend night.

47. There's never a shortage of ready, willing and able men.

48. We're flexible.

49. Better Tips

50. There is no penis envy.

lp alena

p.s. sem mislila prevest, pa se mi ni dalo...če ma kdo pa kako vprašanje...pa kar

Better blond than bold!!

[alena_bmw]

Zove plavusa decka:

P: Kupila sam puzzle, i ne mogu ih sloziti...

D: Hm, pa sta bas nista nisi uspjela sloziti?

P: Ne... Niti jedna mi se ne uklapa...

D: A sto je nacrtano na kutiji?

P: Neko zuto pile. Ali, ja tu ne mogu prepoznati ni glavu ni rep.

D: Ajde, strpi se malo, sad cu ja doci kod tebe.

Dode decko kod plavuse, pogleda stol i veli:

D: Daj, vrati taj cornflakes u kutiju.

Zaboravio djecak papagaja u frizideru.

Nakon pet sati otvori frizider i kaze" Koga to moje okice vide?"

A papagaj kaze" PINGVINA, picka ti materina!"

lp alena

Better blond than bold!!

[uti]

- Njen zapis v dnevniku:

Ko sem prišla v gostilno je bil slabe volje. Mislila sem, da mogoce

zato, ker sem nekoliko zamudila, ampak ni rekel nicesar o tem.Pogovor ni prav stekel, zato sem predlagala, da greva nekam, kjer bova imela vec zasebnosti.

Šla sva v restavracijo, a se je še vedno vedel cudno. Poskusila sem ga razvedriti in se zacela spraševati, ce sem kriva jaz. Vprašala sem ga, pa je rekel da ne.

Na poti k njemu sem mu v taksiju rekla, da ga ljubim, on pa me je objel. Nisem tocno vedela, kaj naj bi to pomenilo, ker ni rekel nicesar. Ko sva koncno prispela, sem ga vprašala, kaj je narobe, pa je le prizgal TV.

Torej sem šla spat. Ze cez 10 minut je prišel za mano in ljubila sva se.

Vendar je bil še vedno nekako odsoten. Sprašujem se, ali ima drugo?

-------

Njegov zapis v dnevniku:

Krka je izgubila. Utrujen, nekoliko pijan. Kljub temu sem fukal.

How's your day? Ready to play?