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AUSTIN POWERS CHAT UP LINES FROM THE NEW FILM "GOLD MEMBER" - Gender modified

1. I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.

2. (Lick finger and wipe on his shirt) Let's get you out of those wet clothes.

3. Nice legs... What time do they open?

4. Do you work for the post office? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

5. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

6. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

7. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

8. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed thrasher, have you seen one?

9. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest man on earth tonight.

10. Wanna play army? I'll lie down and you can blow the hell outta me.

11. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

12. You might not be the best looking man here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

13. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

14. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

15. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

16. (Look down at your crotch) Well, it's not just going to suck itself.

17. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

18. You, Me, Whipped cream and Handcuffs. Any questions?

19. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

20. My name is ( )...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

21. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

22. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

23. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

24. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?

25. Do you wash your pants in Mr Sheen because I can see myself in them.

:)

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Se srečata sesalc pa fen,pa fen reče sesalcu "You suck!",sesalc pa nazaj "Blow me!"

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Na polici banana in vibrator.

Pa banana reče vibratorju"zakaj se pa ti treseš sej bodo mene pojedli" rofl.gifrofl.gifxxrotflmao.gif

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An airplane was about to crash, there were 5 passengers on board but only 4parachutes.

The first passenger said, " I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player,the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die.... So he took the first pack and left the plane.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former president of the United States, I am also the most ambitious woman in the

world and I am a New York Senator and a potential future president."

She just took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, said: "I'm President of the United States of America, I have a great responsibility being the leader of a

superpower nation.And above all I'm the cleverest President in American history,so America's people won't let me die." So he put on the pack next to

him and jumped out of the plane.

The fourth passenger, The Pope II, says to the fifth passenger, a 10 year-old school boy, "I am old and frail and I don't have many years left, as a Catholic I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.

The boy said,"It's OK, there's a parachute left for you. America's cleverest President has taken my schoolbag.

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Arab interview:

Q: Your name please?

A: Abdul Aziz

Q: Sex?

A: Twice a week

Q: I mean, Male or Female?

A: Doesn't matter. Sometimes even camel.

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Je bla blondinka, ki je praznovala svoj 60. rojstni dan .... :lol: :D

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Odluči Mujo, da ide radit u Maribor, pa se vrati več sledečeg dana.

Pa ga pita Fata:

- Zašto si več došao kuči ? Nisi ni počeo raditi ? 

- Pa što da radim, kad mi več na avtobus napišu: MARIBOR - RUŠE  !!

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Trije mozakarji so se znasli pred nebeskimi vrati in

Sveti Peter jih je vprasal, zakaj so potrebovali penis.

"Jaz sem ga potreboval za lulanje, vcasih pa sem ga

pomocil tudi v zensko telo!" je rekel prvi.

"Jaz sem ga pa potreboval za lulanje in seksanje,

pol-pol!" je rekel drugi.

"Jaz sem pa z njim 90% seksal in 10 % lulal!" je rekel tretji.

"Dobrodosel med nami!" je Sveti Peter tretjega povabil v raj.

"Kaj pa midva?" sta se zacudila prva dva.

"To je raj, ne pa mosko stranisce!" se je oglasil Sveti Peter.

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najkrajsi vic o blondinkah:

"je sla pametna bionda....."

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Pitaju plavušu koja je razlika između ševe i deve.

Ona odgovori: "Ne znam, nisam se nikad devila."

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V čem sta si podobni Kukavica in ženska?

Kukavica vali jajca v tuja gnezda, ženska pa tuja jajca vali v svoje gnezdo :D :D :D

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Voze se Mujo i Haso u autobusu po ljeti a vruče.

Vikne Haso vozaču: "Hajd bolan pusti malo air condition."

Mujo: "Nemoj bolan daj radije neke narodnjake."

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Dosla ženska u policijsku stanicu i hoče da registruje auto. Kaže radniku

na šalteru: "Molim vas, ja sam lezbejka i hoču da imam roze tablice!"

Sa druge strane: "To ne, neče moci. Uzmite ove bele tablice."

"Ali ja sam lezbejka i hoču da imam roze tablice!"

"NE MOŽE. Svi imaju bele!"

"Je li, a kako može da pederi imaju plave?!"

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> Mali Perica ude u trgovinu i pocne vikati:

> > - "Imate kondome?!"

> >

> > Prodavacica mu kaze:

> > - "Kao prvo, nije lepo vikati u trgovini, kao drugo kondomi nisu za

> > decu, kao trece, koja velicina ti treba?"

> >

> > Perica kaze:

> > - "Kao prvo: u skoli su nas ucili govoriti jasno i glasno. Kao drugo,

> > znam da kondomi nisu za decu nego protiv dece. Kao trece, trebaju mi

> > sve velicine jer mama ide na more!"

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IZGOVORI:

Prvi dan:

- Dragi, idem na fitnes.

- Dobro draga.

Drugi dan:

- Dragi, idem na aerobik.

- Dobro draga.

Treci dan:

- Dragi, idem na jahanje.

- Idi draga, konj je zvao vec tri puta.

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Moski stopi v spalnico in vidi svojo zeno, kako pakira kovcke. Rece ji:

"Kaj pa pocnes?"

Ona odgovori: "Selim se v Las Vegas. Slisala sem, da prostitutke tam

zasluzijo 400 USD za "tisto", kar jaz pocnem zate zastonj."

Kasneje to noc ob njenem odhodu, zena stopi v spalnico iz zagleda svojega

moza, kako pakira kovcke. Ko ga vprasa, kam odhaja, ji on odgovori: "Tudi

jaz grem v Las Vegas. Rad bi videl, kako bos prezivela z 800 USD na leto."

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Poklicni sofer je vozil s tovornjakom po podezelski

cesti. Nenadoma se je prikazal ob cesti majhen zelen

moziček in ga ustavljal. Sofer se je nekoliko začuden

ustavil in ga vprasal:" Kdo neki si pa ti in kaj

hočes?" Mali zeleni moziček je odvrnil: "Jaz sem

prisel z Venere, sem peder in lačen." Voznik

tovornjaka mu je dal sendvič in rekel: "Tale sendvič

je vse s čimer ti morem ustreči." Peljal se je dalje,

dokler ni ob cesti zagledal majhnega rdečega mozička,

ki ga je ustavljal. Ustavil se je in vprasal:"Od kod

si spet ti vzel in kaj bi ti rad?" Mali rdeči moziček

je odgovoril:"Jaz sem prisel s Saturna, sem peder in

zejen." Sofer mu je dal coca colo in rekel:" Zal mi

je, toda to je vse kar lahko storim zate." Čez nekaj

časa je zagledal ob cesti majhnega modrega mozička,

ki ga je ustavljal. Zadeva z mozički mu je bila zdaj

ze dokaj dobro poznana. Zato se je ustavil in dejal:"

No ti mali modri peder, kaj bi pa ti rad dobil od

mene?" Mali modri moz je odgovoril: "Za začetek vase

voznisko in prometno dovoljenje, prosim..."

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